Pride Month 2023: Nathan Stone out and proud
2 June 2023
This Pride month we’re sharing stories from some of our staff about their experiences as part of the LGBTQ+ community. Meet Nathan Stone, a Technical Project Manager at DHCW and learn more about his journey to being out and proud.
Hello, my name's Nathan, I’m gay, and I’ve never been prouder. Words I didn’t think I’d have the courage of saying out loud, or amongst friends and family several years ago. I grew up in a typical South Wales Valley’s village 15 minutes from the nearest “bustling” town Pontypridd. I enjoyed school, worked hard, had a huge circle of friends, had girlfriends and yet something was always missing.
I found myself attracted to boys – what is this! How can I be attracted to boys? I’d not come across someone who was gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or trans* before, I was surrounded by heterosexual friends and relationships. I had no-one to talk to, I didn’t know of anyone to talk to, so I put those feelings in a box and tried to forget about it. As I got older, it was harder to keep the box locked away, I was becoming more aware of LGBTQIA+, but I was also aware of the attitudes towards these people. Heterosexual relationships were getting more serious but still, something was missing – and I knew what it was, I just didn’t know how to deal with it, so it stayed in the box. At the time that’s all I could do, and now, I just wish I could talk to the younger, confused, and lonely Nathan back then and tell him that it’s ok, and everything will be ok. Or at-least mostly things will be ok
I graduated from University, but I didn’t “find myself” in University the way in which friends of mine did. I started working for the NHS. I was still “in the closet” but I was building friendships and relationships with people who were LGBTQIA+ and I knew if I wanted to be who I am, I needed to take some big steps. One of which was to move out of the Valleys, away from the toxic-masculinity filled pubs, and seeing the same people I’ve been hiding my true self from for years and somewhere inclusive, somewhere people didn’t know me, and I could I suppose, in effect, start a new life in a way. I eventually moved to Cardiff, a city where people seemed to come and go, don’t take much interest in your life, and people I didn’t grow up around or near, but still an inclusive and open place to call home.
Everyone’s coming out story is different but similar in so many ways – as I like to say, same but different. I was afraid of being rejected by the people who love me, family and friends, afraid of what my brother would say, whether my mam would ever want to see me again, or whether my best friend would stop talking to me. Absolutely none of which was a reflection of them as people, but simply the years of me hiding my true self, the awareness of attitudes towards being LGBTQIA+, and just pure fear.
“Coming Out” day arrived, as it does for millions of us every day, and whilst I won’t go into detail, the years of fear and locking my true self away in a box disappeared in an instant, whilst sat in a car queuing to get out of St David’s 2 car park in Cardiff! In the end, it didn’t happen how I wanted it to happen, after months of planning, but it happened in the way that it was meant to happen and I felt so loved by my family and friends as I had done every day of my life beforehand, because nothing changed for them. They loved me, adored me and only ever wanted me to be happy. I lost count how many coming out days I had in the end, with my best friend, my dearest work colleagues, and that fear and worry literally fell like a stack of dominos. It was empowering, it was pure happiness, it was emotional and the common theme of response? “Yeah, I always knew you were gay, so what” <inserts shocked face here>.
Fast forward to now and I still live in Cardiff, a gorgeous apartment down the Bay, now with an added boyfriend – something I never thought would be possible all those years ago– who also works in the NHS, and life could not be better. I’ve been to Cardiff Pride, where I truly have never been so emotional at the togetherness, the inclusivity and pure joy and friendliness of all, coming together to celebrate who we are, but also to remember those who fought for us to celebrate Pride.
I’m not going to talk about the Stonewall riots, but if there’s one thing, I’d ask of you to do if you are reading this, is to take 5 minutes out of your day and read about it, and understand why, even to this day, we continue to fight to end discrimination and homophobia.
The Stonewall uprising: 50 years of LGBT history
Pride isn’t “some gay thing”, it isn’t just for “the gays”, it’s for everyone. Yes, it’s a month every year, and yes, the events are to celebrate LGBTQIA+, but at its heart it’s more than that, it’s celebrating diversity and inclusivity of each and every one of us, it celebrates togetherness, openness and empowerment.
There are so many Pride events that take place every year, I encourage you to attend one, with your friends, with your families and embrace the celebration of diversity and inclusion.
Yes, I am living a life I never thought I could, I am happier now than I’ve ever been before, I am loved by a man who I adore, and we have so many plans to travel together and see the world. But the world isn’t as welcoming as Cardiff, or so I thought it was.
After a night out in one of the capitals best “no-labels” LGBTQIA+ spots, recently voted the best UK LGBTQ+ venue, my partner and I grabbed a taxi home, before walking the remaining mile or so difference because of a roadblock. We were 5 minutes from home when, as we do, walking hand-in-hand, two proud and out gay men, a group of hooded boys crossed the road towards us and began shouting aggressively expletive-laden homophobic abuse. We didn’t say a word, we were shocked, speechless, and to this day it grates on me, because neither of us felt that we could stand up in that moment, particularly me. It was our first experience of homophobia in Cardiff, it was in the early hours of the morning, it was dark, and a group of young-hooded boys aggressively verbally assaulting you. I was fearful for us, what could happen to us.
Homophobia still exists in Cardiff, a city where I’ve felt safe for several years to be who I am.
That one night in Cardiff hasn’t stopped us from holding hands walking through the Bay, or through Town, or anywhere. No person or words can stop us being who we are, and never will.
We are 2 proud and out gay men, and we don’t shout it from the rooftops, we are simply ourselves in the city we love, amongst the people going about their day, just like us.